As an active member of the breastfeeding community for nearly two decades I have seen so much marketing of formula from a personal place and for new parents. The marketing gets more and more clever and nefarious each day.
I was once helping a mom and baby in an apartment building in New York City where one has to be buzzed in. I was with this family for about an hour and a half. The buzzer never buzzed and the doorbell never rang. Upon my departure I nearly fell over a box of formula. The mom had not ordered this.
Currently infant formula manufacturers make formula specifically for breastfeeding moms. Why? Is it really different? Breastfeeding is the biggest market competitor for formula companies.
It was very exciting for me when, in 2012, Mayor Bloomberg took the marketing of formula out of New York City hospitals. Many people were upset by this action. They claimed that they were being bullied into breastfeeding. They were angry that they were not getting their “free” gift from the hospital. This was not the case at all.
What they did not realize is that by giving these “free” gift bags the citizens and patients were actually paying for these goodies.
When a hospital gives away promotional items they are endorsing this product and they are using human power to handle these items. These “free” gift bags are taking up precious real estate in our already crowded hospitals. This is FREE advertising for the pharmaceutical industry. FREE advertising. Those guys have plenty of cash to buy advertising but why spend it when the hospital will do it for free?
In May of 1980 the 27th World Health Assembly endorsed the WHO/UNICEF recommendation that “There should be an international code of marketing of infant formula and other products used as breast-milk substitutes.”
This is important because we know that breastfeeding rates decline where formula is marketed.
This is not an anti-formula campaign rather it is a recommendation to support healthy outcomes both long term and short term. The campaign is designed to take an ethical approach to promote breastfeeding as the normal way to feed babies.
Unfortunately the United States has not agreed to this recommendation.
On this anniversary the Public Citizen’s campaign to End Infant Formula Marketing in Healthcare Facilities is firing up to bring awareness to the continued marketing of formula in the US.
They are encouraging participants to use social media to get the message across by making signs that say “No Formula Ads in Hospitals” or “Follow the WHO Code.”
As an advocate for breastfeeding families I will join this day of action. What will you do to promote breastfeeding?
Boxes
April 7, 2014
Computers are boxes that hold information. They are solid, finite. Computers rely on an algorithm of complete ideas. Computers categorize our lives, our files, our ideas.
Humans are not boxes. We are fluid forms, soft, curvy. Our ideas are amorphous and infinite. I worry that the coming generations are going to be trapped in these boxes, these categories.
I am a woman. I am in my forties. I am married. I am a mother. I am college educated.
These are categories in which I fit but this is not all of me.
I think of the challenges of checking off answers. The other day I called the United States Post Office. I needed to find out where a package was that my oldest daughter accidentally had shipped to our home address instead of her dorm. I needed to know if I could pick up her package even though it was not in my name.
There was a recording asking me various questions including the tracking number. This number was illegible as I imagine author of said numbers was in the habit of checking off boxes and not actually used to writing. The tracking number option was not an option. In fact, none of the boxes the recorded voice wanted me to choose was of any help to my situation so I said “Operator.”
She responded in confusion. So I said “customer service.”
She still wanted me to choose: send a package or repeat previous options.
I then said “Human.”
Her reply: I am sorry, I do not understand, do you want me . . .”
“FUCKING HUMAN!!” I screamed in to my phone. She didn’t flinch. I hung up.
Another recent situation with computer options was a package ordered form Target. My eight-year-old son has a new position: General of the Spy Club in his third grade class. For this position he needs to wear a jacket and tie. My husband ordered a crisp white shirt and sharp navy jacket. It was supposed to be delivered on Wednesday the 26th. On Thursday the 27th I tracked the package from an email with all of the ordering details. I tracked the package through UPS. They handed it off the USPS. On Friday March 28 I called and checked and tracked. According to USPS it was on time for delivery on Wednesday the 26th – remember I am calling on Friday the 28th. I placed several calls. The only human I talked with was from Target and every word uttered was from a script which I imagine had little check marks for each situation.
“I am sorry you feel this way. Your package is scheduled for delivery on Wednesday the 26th.”
“Do you know what today is? It is the 28th.”
There was not a way for anyone to help me because computers do not have arms, eyes or hearts. They cannot call and speak to UPS or the USPS and ask where my son’s General suit is.
My worst box checking experience was when I was sitting in the pre-op for a D & C at St. Vincent’s Hospital. I had been 17 weeks pregnant and a Doppler could not pick up my baby’s heartbeat so I went for a sonogram. The baby inside me had died. My body still felt pregnant and I did not physically miscarry. We decided on a D & C.
The Physicians Assistant asked me a series of questions before the procedure. Then this one:
“Are you pregnant?”
“Do you know why I am here?”
“I just need to know if you are pregnant.”
“I don’t know,” my eyes filled with tears for the thirtieth time that day. I didn’t think I could produce another drop.
“I need to check off a box.”
“How about: yes, I am pregnant, with a dead baby? Do you have a box for that?”
When people are trained to check off boxes they should get sensitivity training. There should always be an “other” box with a line for explanation. And that line should be endless.
I worry about so many new mothers these days. It must be so hard to be instinctive. They are encouraged to follow a set of rules that they can track. They have apps for everything: feeding, diapers, pee and poo.
When I had my babies and I was nursing them in the early days I was trying to keep my breasts balanced. When it was time to nurse I would gently squeeze my breasts to see which felt fuller so I could start with that breast. Ask many moms today and she may say, “hold on, let me look, I have it on an app.”
Technology has a its place but not at the price of humanity. We are culturing the instincts out of ourselves. New mothers are following all these concepts:
Are you any of the following?
- Attachment Parenting
- Co-sleeping
- Ferber
- Sleep training
- Home birth
- Planned Caesarean
- Home school
- Public school
- Private school
- Breastfeed
- Bottle feed
- Homemade food
- Prepackaged food
- Baby led weaning
- Blonde
- Brunette
- Bald
- Young
- Old
- Friendly
- Shy
- Silly
- Frustrated
It is my hope that we can learn to live in harmony with computers, that we not let them do our thinking.
Step outside of the box. Look into someone’s eyes. Think for yourself.
Women Words & Transitions
March 8, 2014
I am a group person. Let me just put that out there right up front. You may find it hard to believe but I was a very shy child. Not until fourth grade when I cracked a joke and most of the class laughed did I feel any level of confidence. Until that moment I was a loner, hiding behind Mama’s legs then using my baby sister as a shield.
In sixth grade Mama took us to Ala-teen, a support group for teenagers with alcoholic loved ones. I joined the theatre. When I moved to New York I joined a Buddhist cult – for only a day and half but I still joined! When I became a mom I joined La Leche League. When I wanted to lose weight I joined Weight Watchers. I lead various breastfeeding support groups. I belong to the B & N 5 – a writing group.
Last spring I was talking to my friend Amy, she and her husband own a fantastic café in the East Village , ciao for now. Amy and I often talk about parenting – we both have three children. I whined a bit about Phoebe graduating high school and starting her freshman year of college. We both welled up with tears lamenting the passing of time. I mentioned my changing body, peri-menopause, aging, all the changes we women experience. “We need a support group for that!” we nearly sang in unison. Amy immediately offered up her café as a spot for our group. I let the idea simmer for a couple of days. I had also mentioned to the B & N 5 that I wanted to teach a writing class. An idea gelled. Writing Through Transitions! I search the web and found a woman on the west coast had written an e-book and was doing workshops by that name, so much for original ideas.
I bought and read her book. It was good but she is a therapist and her approach was different.
My background is more in peer-to-peer support. My new group would be for women, we would talk and write about all of these changes, these transitions. I have creative strategies for managing the group and divining memories from the past while being able to express oneself and to be heard. A few of us gathered last fall to workshop the idea at ciao for now. I saw what worked and what I needed to change. So now, beginning March 20 we launch the official Women Words & Transitions workshop at Lila Wellness.
If you are a woman of any age in or around New York City I hope you will consider joining me in this creative, self-exploration journey. You need not be a writer just a woman. I can help you explore the many changes in your body, mind, relationships and more.
I plan to offer weekend long workshops for those who cannot commit to weekly meetings. Let me know if you are interested!
To Pump or Not to Pump
March 25, 2012
When I was pregnant with Phoebe is 1995 I took a birthing class and a breastfeeding class. In week six of the birthing class the teacher brought in a guest – a woman who rents breast pumps. The businesswoman made it clear that if a person was to be breastfeeding she would need a good quality pump.
Phoebe and I struggled for a few days but got the hang of nursing and all was well. The pediatricians were impressed with her weight gain and were nearly shocked I was exclusively breastfeeding. Looming in the back of my mind was that little voice of the woman “you need a breast pump, you need a breast pump.”
After about four weeks I found a local pharmacy that rented pumps and plopped down my $212.32 for a two-month rental with all of the supplies. I brought it home and it sat on the kitchen table. Rob came home that evening and saw the new appliance in the kitchen and said, I see you got the pump.
Day after day, Phoebe and I developed our routine. We both loved nursing and she grew so beautifully. Rob loved watching her nurse and saw how happy she was. When I thought she was nursing too much he is the one who pointed out how happy we both were at these moments.
About two weeks after I rent the contraption I realize I have spent this money and I had better use the thing. Phoebe lay asleep on the bed off the kitchen and as I watched her I set up the machine and began to pump. It was fascinating to watch my milk flow out of my breasts into the bottles. After about ten or fifteen minutes I had collected about three quarters of an ounce. I placed it in the refrigerator so Rob could feed it to her in the next day or so. After all, shouldn’t I let him get involved in this parenting adventure. Why should I be the only one to bond with our little girl?
That night Rob came through the door beaming as usual to see us at the end of the day. He was followed by a thunderstorm that rattled our little house. The lights flashed off and on and off. The electricity was out. My mind went directly to the fridge where my precious liquid gold sat on a wire shelf. Rob, the electricity! My milk! You must feed it to her now before it goes bad! I ran to the kitchen ran the bottle under hot water and handed it to Rob with a hungry wiggly Phoebe in his arms. She started to root on his chest. He placed the bottle in her mouth she looked in his trusted eyes as if to say: What the hell are you doing? I stared at them and my breasts began to tingle. They struggled, both looking betrayed.
Give me that bottle, I said. I unscrewed the nipple and poured the milk down the drain. Let me hold her. I latched her on and we all melted into the normal little family we knew. Is it okay if I don’t pump? I asked Rob. Of course, I never asked you to. I don’t need to feed her to feel connected.
The next day Phoebe and I drove to the pharmacy and returned the pump and she never had a bottle.
It is important to know that Phoebe and I were rarely separated in the first year of her life. Well, in her case we were rarely separated for the first few years of her life.
Chloe, my second baby also never had a bottle.
Finn, my third baby was born slightly early and had a severe tongue-tie and lost a full pound by his third day of life. On day six I rented a pump and for 24 hours I pumped my left breast and fed him the milk. In all, he had about three bottles. When he was about nine months old I left him for a few hours and left behind some milk. Rob said he through it across the room and he didn’t really need it.
That is my story about bottles and breast pumps.
Now I want to address the general population.
For many women a pump is an important tool to continue breastfeeding. Just as my story was unique to my situation, so it is for all moms. In 1995 there were not on-line mothers groups. The moms I met were face to face and the conversations about feedings were that – conversations, two- or three-way discussions. These days moms go to their on-line community and read posts. In many ways these forums are great but they can also be scary and mis-informative.
A recent trend I notice is that moms believe if they do not start pumping right away they will not get enough milk. Another trend is that it is important to have a freezer full of milk. All of this work puts so much pressure on new moms and takes away from the time spent face to face with her baby. It also throws off the balance of her milk supply.
Why do you need to pump?
There are different scenarios where a mom really should pump.
If a mom is directed by her doctor to supplement her baby then this mom should use a hospital grade pump to express her milk. This is so that she has a supplement for her baby and it also will help to establish her milk supply.
If a mom and baby are separated it is important for the mom to pump her milk to again establish her milk supply and/or prevent engorgement.
These days many women work outside of the home. In this case pumping her milk assures she has milk to feed her baby while they are apart. If the mom is one to three days ahead of her supply she can keep her milk in the refrigerator. There really is no need to have a freezer full of milk. The idea is to nurse your baby when you are with him and to pump when you are separated.
Some moms would like to have a stash of milk so that she can leave her baby in the care of someone else occasionally. In these situations it is truly fine to keep a bottle or two a week in the mix.
For some moms it truly is nearly impossible to pump while at work. Pumping at home after feedings is one way to save milk for this time. Other moms find they use either donor milk or formula as a supplement. If a mom is not 100% breastfeeding it does not mean she is not breastfeeding. There seems to be this idea that breastfeeding is an all or nothing proposition. It is not. When you are with your baby you nurse your baby.
Some moms like to include her partner or other family member with the feedings. Many moms find this helpful while others prefer help with other aspects of her mothering this new baby. A couple of things to keep in mind: be sure it does not complicate the feedings and not feeding a baby does not preclude bonding.
What kinds of pumps are there?
There are many pumps on the market. It seems everyone wants to get in the game. As a new parent it is important to watch out for marketing. New parents are one of the most heavily targeted markets.
Read reviews, real reviews, not just a couple of posts on forums. And watch for paid advertising. Not all pumps are created equal. Just because a pump costs more than others, it does not mean it works better or even as well.
If you need to pump in the early weeks it is important to rent a hospital grade pump.
If you have an established supply and you are working outside of the home on a regular basis you may need a rental pump or a good quality double electric pump.
Look at the size of the motor. Are you paying for technology? Or quality?
If you just need the occasional bottle often a smaller pump or a hand pump can work well. And do not forget your hand. Learning to hand express is a great gift. You do not need to rely on electricity or batteries. Hand expression is something all moms should know how to do.
Here is a quick tutorial:
You take the pads of your thumb and middle finger and place them just on the inner edge of your areola.
You put pressure as though you are going to touch your rib cage.
Then, imagine there is ink on your thumb – you roll your thumb towards your nipple as though you would make a thumbprint – not a smudge.
Repeat.
If you do not have milk flowing you can massage your breast toward the nipple.
You repeat until you have expressed enough milk for your particular needs of the moment.
The best place to practice is in the shower. Sometimes you will find a “sweet spot” where you get a nice continuous flow.
When should one pump?
If breastfeeding is going well there is no need to pump right away. Allow time for you and your baby master this art. Let your baby and your body flow into a nice equilibrium. You can wait several weeks to introduce a pump and expressed milk.
If there are hiccups in your situation pumping may be indicated.
When to pump varies from person to person. There is no one size fits all prescription. If you are not sure contact an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC) or a La Leche League Leader.
Infant feeding can be complicated or it can be smooth. It is important to find your way. Feel free to share it on your forums but please, please put a disclaimer that this is your unique experience.
The Things I Carry
February 23, 2011
These are the things I carry:
My wallet, at least one lipstick, keys that now have a key card and at least
two obsolete keys. I sometimes carry a small purse, sometimes one larger,
just recently I stopped carrying diapers and wipes. I occasionally carry a
child, I carry a bag for work with an organizer full of handouts and
breastfeeding information. I have a bag of finger cots for testing a baby’s
suck, I carry nipple shields. I often carry a scale for weighing babies before
and after nursing to prove to mom’s that they do have milk or to
understand why a baby is fussy all the time. In my head I carry milk
storage guidelines which I can rattle off but I keep a printed copy for the
parents I see. In my pockets I carry super heroes and fairy dust. I carry
secrets told to me by my children, my other family members, not Rob – he
doesn’t seem to like the concept of secrets. I carry secrets from the moms I
meet, I know who had abortions, I carry milk in my breasts, I carry the
memory of the babies who died in my belly, I carry the feeling of birthing
my three children, I carry the wisdom of my mother and I carry the grief of
her loss. I carry words to songs in my head, I carry the residue of
secondhand smoke in my childhood lungs, I carry the secrets of growing up
in an alcoholic family. I carry a light inside that my mother never let me
forget was bright. I carry love, fear, joy. I carry hair ties.
mamamilkandme 