My Brilliant Career(s)
February 12, 2017
I have had many jobs in my life, some career worthy and others just a way to make some extra cash. Some have truly fed my soul while others ate away at my soul. Some were ordinary and others quite fascinating. Here is a list of most of my jobs.
Babysitter – a common first job for preteens – I started when I was eleven years old – when I think about that family leaving me with their toddlers – that was insane but they were expecting their third baby and they had two boys under the age of three – they probably didn’t care who watched their kids – they just needed to get out! They also knew my mom was across the street. I called her when the youngest boy peed everywhere and the older boy spilled milk all over the place
Sales clerk – I loved the discounts I got at Thalheimer’s – I was a “flyer”, this meant I worked in most of the departments, great for me to one day work in men’s cologne, another in children’s clothing and then another in housewares.
Waitress – Annabelle’s was a pub like restaurant at the Cross Creek Mall – I was terribly disorganized so it was good that I was in an Army town and I was cute – the soldiers tipped well and were not too picky
Starmount Forest Country Club – this was a different clientele and there was one cranky old man who always wrote in 10% for tips no matter who served him – the standard was to just sign the bill and the club added 15% – there were a few who wrote in 20% – it was good money to work an event like a wedding or bar mitzvah – there were always extra tips
Dorm receptionist – I got to know who was dating whom, whose parents came to visit the most and who stayed out all night
Bouncer – OK, the Fifth Season was at the Four Seasons Hotel in Greensboro and I worked the door checking IDs and making sure the guests honored the dress code. Since Daddy was a soldier I knew soldiers were not allowed to drink in public in uniform – I loved telling the soldier to go back to his room and change into street clothes and not disrespect the uniform and our country!
Fragrance model – at major department stores I would demonstrate the free gift or the latest product for beauty companies – I promise I never squirted anyone who did not want to smell of cinnamon or lemon or gardenia or whatever the latest scent was but some people looked at me and ran – one woman actually jumped back three feet in fear of me dousing her in Estee Lauder
Epilady lady – this contraption had a spinning spring system that literally ripped hair out of your body. At Bloomingdales one day I turned my back away from the Epilady stand for a moment. When I turned back to show the product line to a curious customer I saw a woman wincing as she swept the device across her chin and ripped out the chin hairs! We were trained to never use it on the face but I let that woman have a go at it as I saw her whiskers from ten feet away and I figured I would want to eliminate that extra hair growth if I had it on my chin. I moved my new customer to the teeth whitening EpiSmile!
Model – I modeled jewelry for private parties for a jewelry designer – I once wore a necklace that cost more than my parents’ lifetime income!
Receptionist – this was my first NYC job! I moved to NY, well, I stayed in NJ with my close friend’s family, I arrived on a Wednesday, bought the Village Voice on Thursday and set up interviews for Friday and accepted the job offer that started on Monday and paid the highest. My office skills were limited because I had goofed off in typing class but I could talk and be pleasant and I had college debt and a total of $174 to my name, I needed that job immediately!
Office temp – again, I was a good receptionist but that did not pay as much as people who could type fast so,
Paralegal temp – I was smart despite my inability to process words quickly on a machine, paralegal temping required decent amount of intelligence and paid better than other temp jobs. And it was amazing to hear about frolicking going on between the attorneys and the paralegals and other scandals.
Location Scout – I worked in a location scouting office, mostly representing short term rentals for photo shoots and TV commercials but I liked to be out and about so I always volunteered when an odd request came up or the need to photograph a new spot for our catalogs.
Hair stylist – OK, my location scouting office shared space with a private hair salon, the stylists were top notch but they never learned to French braid. A woman from the pub around the corner popped in because she knew there was a salon in the back and wanted a French braid for a wedding she was attending. John and Terry were at a loss. I told her to sit at my desk and wove her hair into a lovely braid.
Personal assistant – a former boss married a millionaire and needed a bit of help with little things – I was happy to shop for her, to return items after a shopping spree or buy gifts for family and friends, ride around in her town car with Carlos, her driver.
Baker – I have always found peace in creating cakes and cookies so I decided to make it a career while parenting two young children, I baked cakes and pies and cookies in my kitchen and delivered them to cafes or to birthday parties or events – I still love to bake. I was often challenged to go outside of my comfort zone and bake something unusual or important like a wedding cake!
Caterer – this was an extension of my baking business – my most popular was a menu of friend chicken, potato salad and red velvet cake!
Producer – I produced stand up comedy shows and a full-length off-off Broadway play – sometimes you gotta cast yourself to get the parts you want! We did a two-week run of Crimes of the Heart at the Producers Club on West 44th Street!
Actor and Comedian – see above and I continue to dabble a bit here and there – I recently did a show called Moms Cracking up!
Writer – I write for parenting – Bundoo.com, BreastfeedingToday.com and contribute to articles and books
Lactation consultant – this has been my longest career so far. I love helping, educating and empowering families. It is not always easy but it is important and it fills my soul to be in the presence of babies and their families. I see so many emotions bundled up and flying out. I have learned so many cultural traditions and learned to see how much people are different and how much they are the same.
Life is full of interesting adventures and the career you pick when you are eighteen or thirty-five or any age does not have to define you but it sure can inform your life and enhance your worldview!
The Myth of the Perfect Mom
December 30, 2013
We moms sure are sold a load of crap! All the images of mothers are glorified and sterilized and glamorized.
I am not talking about Giselle. We know she is glamorous and we also know she has a team that makes her look that way.
What about the rest of us, those of us in the trenches of motherhood? Why do we think we have to achieve some unattainable goal as high priestess of motherhood?
Once in a while I may get what many would call a compliment – and frankly, I let my ego suck it all in for a while and I may hear, “Oh, Leigh Anne, you are an amazing mom!” or “You are a perfect mom!” If this comes from one of my children I will take it and toll around in it for days, even years because I know that it will be followed by some balancing statement like “I hate you, you are the worst mother ever!” And that will be followed by a hug or a request for mommy time. It is all in the job description.
Please, please, please do not throw that horrible label of PERFECT on me. I am imperfect and I embrace that.
But look at advertising for new parents and you see styled and glamorized images.
What do we really look like after a new baby.
This is me after my first baby was about two days old – see the look of bewilderment in my eyes?
Most new moms are in a bit of shock. I hear repeatedly “No one ever told me . . . .”
We hide babies, we hide our breasts, we keep quiet about the dark side of parenting.
I wonder if the dark side would be so dark if people talked about it.
Did you know that breastfeeding in the beginning is very time consuming?
Did you know that newborn babies are not typically chubby?
Did you know that you can bleed from your vagina for days and weeks?
Did you know that sometimes you will pass a clump of blood?
Did you know that you may feel angry that you have a baby – not all of the time but some of the time?
Did you know that you would be riding an emotional rollercoaster?
Did you know that sometimes you will plan to take a shower in the morning and the next thing you know it is 7:30pm and you still have spit up and baby shit on you and you have only eaten stale leftover cake that wasn’t even home baked in a flavor you don’t even like?
Did you know that in all of that mess you will look into the eyes of your baby and feel a deep, confusing kind of love? A new protective kind of love?
Did you know that your baby doesn’t give a damn about your hair?
Did you know that your baby just wants to get to know you? He knows you from growing inside you but now that the courtship is settling in he wants to really get to know you. And he wants you to know him. Did you know that some moms fall in love immediately while others take time.
I think we all want to put on a good face when we go out with our babies. We feel a sense of accomplishment from just having gotten dressed and out of the house. Maybe we feel like we are failing so we have to put on a show and say all the right things. The problem is that other new moms believe what you say. Then other new moms compare themselves to you. Or maybe you are comparing yourself to the woman who says “childbirth was a breeze, my baby latched right on and has grown beautifully, she sleeps through the night and her poop doesn’t smell, also, my husband is a saint, he cooks every night and bought me this gold chain with my baby’s birthstone and a tiny haiku he wrote inscribed. He waits patiently for me to want to get intimate and my belly just seemed to pop right back into place.”
I play a game with myself. When I am feeling the stress of parenting and I really do not want to yell at my kids again or I do not want to scream at them in public, I pretend I am the subject of a documentary on parenting. I want to be prime example of keeping my cool. I stop and think: “what would be a productive action to take here.” I often fail at this game but sometimes I succeed. When I succeed I am setting an example for my children and possibly for other parents. But, I am not perfect, dammit!
One of the best gifts my mother gave me was the gift of imperfection. She let me see her flaws. I was not blinded by a sense of glamour and always being right. This was great because it made her accessible and it took the pressure off of me to not be a perfect mom. Don’t get me wrong – I do have my moments of genius. Mostly I am ordinary but to my children I am MOM.
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