mamamilkandme

When I was pregnant with Phoebe is 1995 I took a birthing class and a breastfeeding class. In week six of the birthing class the teacher brought in a guest – a woman who rents breast pumps. The businesswoman made it clear that if a person was to be breastfeeding she would need a good quality pump.

Phoebe and I struggled for a few days but got the hang of nursing and all was well. The pediatricians were impressed with her weight gain and were nearly shocked I was exclusively breastfeeding. Looming in the back of my mind was that little voice of the woman “you need a breast pump, you need a breast pump.”

After about four weeks I found a local pharmacy that rented pumps and plopped down my $212.32 for a two-month rental with all of the supplies. I brought it home and it sat on the kitchen table.  Rob came home that evening and saw the new appliance in the kitchen and said, I see you got the pump.

Day after day, Phoebe and I developed our routine. We both loved nursing and she grew so beautifully. Rob loved watching her nurse and saw how happy she was. When I thought she was nursing too much he is the one who pointed out how happy we both were at these moments.

About two weeks after I rent the contraption I realize I have spent this money and I had better use the thing. Phoebe lay asleep on the bed off the kitchen and I watched her I set up the machine and began to pump. It was fascinating to watch my milk flow out of my breasts into the bottles. After about ten or fifteen minutes I had collected about three quarters of an ounce. I placed it in the refrigerator so Rob could feed it to her in the next day or so. After all, shouldn’t I let him get involved in this parenting adventure.  Why should I be the only one to bond with our little girl?

That night when Rob came through the door beaming as usual to see us at the end of the day. Just as he arrived home a thunderstorm rattled our little house. The lights flashed off and on and off.  The electricity was out.   My mind went directly to the fridge where my precious liquid gold sat on a wire shelf. Rob, the electricity! My milk! You must feed it to her now before it goes bad! I ran to the kitchen ran the bottle under hot water and handed it to Rob with a hungry wiggly Phoebe in his arms. She started to root on his chest. He placed the bottle in her mouth she looked in his trusted eyes as if to say: What the hell are you doing?  I stared at them and my breasts began to tingle. They struggled, both looking betrayed.

Give me that bottle, I said. I unscrewed the nipple and pour the milk down the drain. Let me hold her. I latched her on and we all melted into the normal little family we knew. Is it okay if I don’t pump? I asked Rob. Of course, I never asked you to. I don’t need to feed her to feel connected. 

The next day Phoebe and I drove to the pharmacy and returned the pump and she never had a bottle.

It is important to know that Phoebe and I were rarely separated in the first year of her life. Well, in her case we were rarely separated for the first few years of her life.

Chloe, my second baby also never had a bottle.

Finn, my third baby was born slightly early and had a severe tongue-tie and lost a full pound by his third day of life.  On day six I rented a pump and for 24 hours I pumped my left breast and fed him the milk. In all, he had about three bottles. When he was about nine months old I left him for a few hours and left behind some milk. Rob said he through it across the room and he didn’t really need it.

That is my story about bottles and breast pumps.

Now I want to address the general population.

For many women a pump is an important tool to continue breastfeeding. Just as my story was unique to my situation, so it is for all moms. In 1995 there were not on-line mothers groups. The moms I met were face to face and the conversations about feedings were that – conversations, two- or three-way discussions. These days moms go to their on-line community and read posts. In many ways these forums are great but they can also be scary and mis-informative.

A recent trend I notice is that moms believe if they do not start pumping right away they will not get enough milk. Another trend is that it is important to have a freezer full of milk. All of this work puts so much pressure on new moms and takes away from the time spent face to face with her baby. It also throws off the balance of her milk supply.

Why do you need to pump?

There are different scenarios where a mom really should pump.

If a mom is directed by her doctor to supplement her baby then this mom should use a hospital grade pump to express her milk. This is so that she has a supplement for her baby and it also will help to establish her milk supply.

If a mom and baby are separated it is important for the mom to pump her milk to again establish her milk supply and/or prevent engorgement.

These days many women work outside of the home. In this case pumping her milk assures she has milk to feed her baby while they are apart.  If the mom is one to three days ahead of her supply she can keep her milk in the refrigerator. There really is no need to have a freezer full of milk.  The idea is to nurse your baby when you are with him and to pump when you are separated.

Some moms would like to have a stash of milk so that she can leave her baby in the care of someone else occasionally. In these situations it is truly fine to keep a bottle or two a week in the mix.

For some moms it truly is nearly impossible to pump while at work. Pumping at home after feedings is one way to save milk for this time. Other moms find they use either donor milk or formula as a supplement. If a mom is not 100% breastfeeding it does not mean she is not breastfeeding. There seems to be this idea that breastfeeding is an all or nothing proposition. It is not. When you are with your baby you nurse your baby.

Some moms like to include her partner or other family member with the feedings. Many moms find this helpful while others prefer help with other aspects of her mothering this new baby. A couple of things to keep in mind: be sure it does not complicate the feedings and not feeding a baby does not preclude bonding.

What kinds of pumps are there?

There are many pumps on the market. It seems everyone wants to get in the game. As a new parent it is important to watch out for marketing. New parents are one of the targeted markets.

Read reviews, real reviews, not just a couple of posts on forums. And watch for paid advertising. Not all pumps are created equal. Just because a pump costs more than others, it does not mean it works better or even as well.

If you need to pump in the early weeks it is important to rent a hospital grade pump.

If you have an established supply and you are working outside of the home on a regular basis you may need a rental pump or a good quality double electric pump.

Look at the size of the motor. Are you paying for technology? Or quality?

If you just need the occasional bottle often a smaller pump or a hand pump can work well. And do not forget your hand. Learning to hand express is a great gift. You do not need to rely on electricity or batteries. Hand expression is something all moms should know how to do.

Here is a quick tutorial:

You take the pads of your thumb and middle finger and place them just on the inner edge of your areola.

You put pressure as though you are going to touch your rib cage.

Then, imagine there is ink on your thumb – you roll your thumb towards your nipple as though you would make a thumbprint – not a smudge.

Repeat.

If you do not have milk flowing you can massage your breast toward the nipple.

You repeat until you have expressed  enough milk for your particular needs of the moment.

The best place to practice is in the shower. Sometimes you will find a “sweet spot” where you get a nice continuous flow.

When should one pump?

If breastfeeding is going well there is no need to pump right away. Allow time for you and your baby master this art. Let your baby and your body flow into a nice equilibrium. You can wait several weeks to introduce a pump and expressed milk.

If there are hiccups in your situation pumping may be indicated.

When to pump varies from person to person. There is no one size fits all prescription.  If you are not sure contact an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC) or a La Leche League Leader.

Infant feeding can be complicated or it can be smooth. It is important to find your way. Feel free to share it on your forums but please, please put a disclaimer that this is your unique experience.

In the sixth grade I wanted glasses and braces! Yes. Silly, I know. I used to put tin foil on my teeth and make glasses out of copper wire. I complained about my eyesight so Mama took all three of us kids to the eye doctor.  Guess who had perfect vision? Me! My brother needed Coke bottle lenses and I got nothing. My teeth were straight and I could see. Oh, the tragedies of youth.

I made it to forty with my great vision. Somewhere though I started squinting. Turns out a couple of years ago I developed the need for reading glasses. I spent a nice amount on some glasses I thought were pretty and sophisticated.  Then I left them somewhere and went to the local drug store and found some cheap but cute reading glasses.  

So, this is my latest addiction. It could be worse. I could do drugs or binge on Twinkies – well, maybe not anymore.

So, if you are thinking of me and see some fun glasses I am currently using the 2.00.

This is a post that I wrote for another blog sdbfc.com

Nursing a toddler is a confounding joy! He demands you sit. He does gymnastics and yoga while slurping your sweet nectar. Nursing is a great tool to calm a wild child or heal a skinned knee or a broken heart. These little people are growing rapidly. One day they are crawling, the next they are waddling toward the stairs or the dog food dish.  One day they mumble “mama” and “gaga” and then they learn the power of “NO!!” 

Another big change going on in the little body is the mouth – teeth are multiplying like bunnies in there. If a baby is latched correctly, his teeth are covered by his tongue.  Ah, but the older nursling has teeth on top and bottom! Yikes! As he is feeling those incisors pushing through his flesh nothing will sooth that sensation like biting down on something nice – like a breast!  Ouch! 

So, what is a mother to do?

Just as when a baby of any age bites the hand, (or breast that feeds him), the thing to do is not scream,  “ You little demon, you nearly amputated my breast!” Nor is it to cry out and run weeping into the streets or punt him across the room – though these ideas may make sense at the time. You take the little chomper off your breast and calmly, but firmly, tell him “No, you may not nurse if you bite.” Put him down off your lap and remain as emotionally neutral as you have it in you to be. This should neither be a game nor a horrifying experience. Biting is simply an unacceptable behavior.  After a brief period of being ignored he will either go on about his business or he may plead to have more sweet milk.  If you do offer the breast again tell him in no uncertain terms, “If you bite me again, you may not “nonnie” (or whatever word you use to nurse) again.” I do not mean forever – just at this time of the day.   A time or two like this should tame your little piranha.

Another reason toddlers bite is if they have a cold and cannot breathe so well while nursing. Some saline spray or nursing in a steamy bathroom or bedroom with a humidifier can help open up those little nasal passages.  

Some moms say that her baby bites if she is pregnant or if her milk supply is low (which can be caused by being pregnant). I cannot count how many women have called me to discuss their newly biting toddler. We run through the list of possibilities.

“Are you pregnant?” I ask.

I can almost see through the phone the look of surprised possibility on her face.

“Well, I don’t know. I don’t think so. Well, maybe. I gotta go now!”  

A couple days later my phone rings. “You were right! I am pregnant!” She had run to the drug store to buy a pregnancy test.

If your baby really chomps down hard you can hold him tight to you so that he is forced to open his mouth. Another approach is to put your finger in his mouth   between the teeth and break the latch.

Many moms think this is a time to wean. It can be scary. And, if you talk about it you can be led to believe that this is a sure sign to wean. It is just a stage that some – not all, I promise – toddlers go through.

As you negotiate your way, nursing an older baby in a world where most babies are weaned by their first birthday, you step lightly in your discussions with other mothers. Sometimes you find you are part of a secret society. You find these other mothers who nurse their toddlers and you laugh together at the antics and the sweetness of nursing a talking, opinionated human. You share your battle scars, which can sometimes be teeth marks on your areola.

When Phoebe was a baby Rob and I tried swaddling her but we didn’t try too hard because she really didn’t like it. She would wrestle herself out of the bondage. I unswaddled her to nurse her. Sometimes her hands would get in the way but if I was patient she knew how to move them in order to get to the breast.

            I learned to read her. Most of her communication was her face, her voice and hands. When she was hungry her hands moved toward her mouth. When she was uncomfortable her hands thrashed about. When she was content her hands were at ease either by her side, up above her head or splayed across my body.

            As she became mobile I took away truly dangerous items but I did not remove all items from our home. In her room we had a bookshelf and on the lower shelves we kept books that she could not destroy. I would take a book off the shelf, read it to her and replace it. I would take a toy off the shelf and when she moved on I showed her that we put it back on the shelf. She had freedom of movement and guidance. She didn’t throw the books off the shelves like some of her contemporaries who were kept in a  playvpen or whose home was completely  cordoned off from perceived danger. I felt it was important to let my children learn to live respectfully in the world. We developed a mutual trust and understanding. Nonverbal communication was fostered.  You know that look your mother gives you that says “you better not” or “I understand your pain”? That comes from looking at each other, really looking and seeing. Not just once but over and over.

     This begins at birth. Shutting down a baby limits this relationship.

            Try swaddling yourself and not talking. How can you communicate your needs, your wants, your discomfort, your love?

            Now imagine you want to strengthen your body. You move your arms and your legs. You walk, run, lift weights.  Try doing these activities wrapped in layers of gauzy cotton. How will you develop your muscles and coordination?

            Imagine you were mummified from the neck down and you were in a 2’ x 4’ arena. You roll to one side with your face smashed against the railing or the cushioning of the arena. How do you free yourself from this discomfort and potential danger?

            Swaddling is for parents. It is not for babies. Experts claim it is good for babies; that it calms them. What is really happening is that the babies shut down. They zone out. They are rendered helpless.

More and more babies are treated as separate entities. They are not. Babies are utterly dependent on an adult to care for them for survival.

            When you create a secure attachment with your child you grow a secure human being. When you build a close relationship you build mutual trust. You also foster you instincts.  You will intuitively know when to let your child venture out freely. They will let you know when they are ready. You can communicate your needs as well, giving your self space. This models self-care. There is a give and take in the early weeks of parenting: there’s a huge amount of give while the baby takes and takes. The baby takes your time, your milk, your sleep. This is what you signed up for. The rewards are vast if you let them in.

To be the parent of a delightful, secure child is priceless.